How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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