you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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