sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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