This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
