There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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