VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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