I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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