I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
