I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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