After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
