Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
