There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
