You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
