Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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