just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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