If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
