watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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