I accidentally had phone sex last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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