he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
