Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
