It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
