Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
