? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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