why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
