two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
