I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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