I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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