Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
