He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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