You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
