Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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