It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
