My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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