i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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