I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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