So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Someone shattered a urinal.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
