I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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