all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
