You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
