you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
