Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
