i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
