I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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