he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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