I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
