I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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