No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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