Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We have so much sex to catch up on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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