I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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