the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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