Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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