so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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