hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my shit smells like andre
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
