He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
