Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
