In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
