We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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