I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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