You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize