think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
