when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
